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Putting Your Baby To Bed Awake
– Why Is It So Hard?

By Lucy Fitzgerald

We know that sleep is necessary and natural, so why is it so hard to establish good sleeping habits for our little ones? If the magic formula is simply to put your baby down to sleep when he’s still awake, why is that so hard in reality? Now that I’m through the sleepy first two weeks with my newborn, my little one has started protesting when I put him down. Settling him has started to take too long – so that he’s becoming overtired and I’m tempted to feed him to sleep. The easy option would only take five minutes instead of sixty!

In their fantastic book, Sleep, Hollyer and Smith describe how falling asleep can literally be a frightening experience for babies. When we are asleep we are vulnerable. So for a newborn baby (who is completely helpless) to fall asleep alone, is obviously counter-intuitive. If we look back to primitive times, sleeping when not in the arms of a guardian may have meant death to a vulnerable infant. So it’s no wonder they protest when we put them down! Resisting separation from us is a basic survival instinct.

Add to that the sensation of actually falling asleep, which is alien and frightening for a newborn, and I can understand why my baby would prefer I was holding him close. And I also have a secret desire to break all the rules and let my precious bundle curl up on my chest all night long. But I need my sleep and he needs his. Sound, peaceful sleep is the secret to fun filled days and a happy family. And setting up bad habits now will only make it harder to establish good ones later. So I get all the cuddles I can in the day and when it comes to sleep times, my baby goes down awake so he can transition to sleep on his own. I want him to know it’s safe to do this so I keep myself calm and relaxed.

Laurie always used to cry just before he fell asleep, sometimes for a few minutes, and my going to him only made him fully wake again, so he’d have to start the process of falling asleep all over again. Once I realised that he needed to cry for a few minutes, I gave us both a break. Laurie was able to go to sleep without my intervention and I ended up with a great sleeper.

Here’s some tips for settling your newborn to sleep awake:

  1. New babies are easily over stimulated. Take him to a room that is dark and quiet to wind him down.
  2. Swaddle your baby so that he feels secure.
  3. A new baby (0-4 weeks) will only need to be awake for about 45 minutes before they need to go back to sleep. Leave it any later and they will find it harder to settle – which means more intervention from you.
  4. Hold, rock or feed your baby until he is drowsy but still awake and then lower him into his cot (bum first and then head).
  5. Some little ones may need white noise to help them transition between sleep cycles.

By doing this in the early days, you will avoid setting up sleep associations that are later difficult to break. Your baby will learn an essential skill – how to go to sleep by himself, without your help. His need for sleep is both mental and physical. When our babies are sleeping, they begin to make sense of their worlds, their brains develop and their bodies grow. Sleep for our little ones isn’t something to hope for, it’s a necessity for all of us!

© Lucy Fitzgerald 2009

About The Author:
Lucy Fitzgerald is the owner of www.sleepytot.com. Sleepytot, the award winning baby comforter, is a beautiful soft toy to which up to four soothers can be attached.

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